Modesty would be irrelevant if each world had only one inhabitant. The concept of modesty exists because we do not live on our own private planet. Any good definition of modesty must depend on the reality of relationships, the inevitable effect we have on each other.
Latter-day Saints are taught to be modest. Nascent solipsism in modern U.S. culture often influences North American Latter-day Saint thinking and behavior. In the prevailing culture, all questions revolve around the focal point of self—what's in it for me, how will it affect me, my, mine, etc. Hardly any attention is given to possible effects on others. We seem to join Cain in his cynical quip, "Am I my brother's keeper?" I believe such thinking has influenced LDS notions about the principle of modesty. As though we keep commandments only for our own benefit. Nevertheless, being modest benefits us as well as others.
The following definition of modest is from the Dress and Appearance section of the 2011 For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet:
"Do not use a special occasion as an excuse to be immodest. When you dress immodestly, you send a message that is contrary to your identity as a son or daughter of God. You also send the message that you are using your body to get attention and approval.
"Immodest clothing is any clothing that is tight, sheer, or revealing in any other manner. Young women should avoid short shorts and short skirts, shirts that do not cover the stomach, and clothing that does not cover the shoulders or is low-cut in the front or the back. Young men should also maintain modesty in their appearance. Young men and young women should be neat and clean and avoid being extreme or inappropriately casual in clothing, hairstyle, and behavior. They should choose appropriately modest apparel when participating in sports. The fashions of the world will change, but the Lord’s standards will not change.
"Show respect for the Lord and yourself by dressing appropriately for Church meetings and activities. This is especially important when attending sacrament services. Young men should dress with dignity when officiating in the ordinance of the sacrament.
"If you are not sure what is appropriate to wear, study the words of the prophets, pray for guidance, and ask your parents or leaders for help. Your dress and appearance now will help you prepare for the time when you will go to the temple to make sacred covenants with God. Ask yourself, 'Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s presence?'"
The precise definition of "modesty" is not so easy to pin down. There is wiggle room for interpretation. If there were numerous exact rules, and modesty police, we would be carrying measuring tapes and yardsticks around with us everywhere like the Pharisees of Jesus' day. We would become the army of "prudes" President Hinckley wanted to avoid creating.
While definitions of immodesty vary from person to person, if we choose to define modesty in terms of "how does this affect me?" without considering "how will this affect others?" we are missing the point of modesty—that we share this world, and do have some responsibility for our effect on other people. Here is my current personal definition of modesty:
To be modest means modifying one's attitude, actions, dress, and language in the attempt to have the best possible effect on the spiritual well being of other people.
"Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually. But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God" (Moroni 7:12-13). The ways we talk, act, dress, and our attitudes, do not force anyone to do anything. But they are looming advertisements for others to think, feel, and act. What are we inviting others to do?
My definition of modesty says nothing about skirt length, etc. It presupposes a certain degree of wisdom in us. "For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward" (D&C 58:26). When we are obedient, true to the light we possess, we can receive more; we will be blessed "with commandments not a few" (D&C 59:4).
Specific descriptions of how to dress modestly are found only in a publication addressed to the youth. We lack this knowledge until it is taught.
What level of responsibility will we be held to for the thoughts and resulting actions of others we influence here in mortality? It is possible to do everything right and still elicit unintended or undesirable responses from others. (It is also possible to try to pull others in the wrong direction and fail.) Scriptural verbs such as "invite," "entice," and "persuade" all imply agency in one party, and non-compulsory salesmanship in the other. They make it clear that we are to do the best we can to have a positive impact, but that others are ultimately responsible for their thoughts, choices, and acts. If we do our part and are modest, we are absolved of our responsibility.
It is possible to be immodest unwittingly. The Lord surely approaches such things with mercy and compassion and understanding, and so should we. My use of the word "attempt" in my definition was deliberate.
I was told a story about an American dignitary who visited another continent. When standing before an audience, he put his thumbs and forefingers together in circles, raised his arms, and made the "OK" signal to his audience. But it was considered an obscene gesture in that country, and they chased him out of town. I imagine our responsibility in the final judgment with regard to modesty, and our overall effect on others, will deal largely with our intent instead of the reactions we elicited.
While modern prophets have implored the youth to dress and act modestly (sometimes to no avail), direct commands in the scriptures—"thou shalt dress modestly"—are almost nonexistent. Paul expresses a wish that women would dress modestly (1Tim. 2:9). Adam and Eve are given modest clothes to cover themselves. But instead of direct commands and detailed regulations, the scriptures often teach about modesty via sad narrative warnings about the dangers of dressing and acting immodestly.
The story of the daughter of Jared is among these sad tales. She was a prototype of the liberated modern woman—cunning, intelligent, ambitious, ruthless, and physically attractive. Not fettered by the clunky, outdated social codes of the 1950s (the story is over three thousand years old), she devised a plan to restore her dethroned father to power:
"Now the daughter of Jared being exceedingly expert, and seeing the sorrows of her father, thought to devise a plan whereby she could redeem the kingdom unto her father. Now the daughter of Jared was exceedingly fair. And it came to pass that she did talk with her father, and said unto him: Whereby hath my father so much sorrow? Hath he not read the record which our fathers brought across the great deep? Behold, is there not an account concerning them of old, that they by their secret plans did obtain kingdoms and great glory? And now, therefore, let my father send for Akish, the son of Kimnor; and behold, I am fair, and I will dance before him, and I will please him, that he will desire me to wife; wherefore if he shall desire of thee that ye shall give unto him me to wife, then shall ye say: I will give her if ye will bring unto me the head of my father, the king" (Ether 8:8-10).
Seems she was also immodest in speech, a braggart.
Her plan succeeded at first, but then backfired when her husband grew jealous of her father, and had him killed, too. After Akish ascended to the throne, he became afraid that his son would try to dethrone him, and had him killed also. His remaining sons fought a war against him. There is no epilogue for Mrs. Akish, the daughter of King Jared, but I imagine even her callous heart could not help but be wrenched by the sight of her immediate family soaked in each others' blood. Her aspirations went up like a firework, enjoyed one glorious moment, and disappeared with a loud bang in a cloud of smoke.
There are accounts of modesty, too. Contrast the tragic narrative above with the story of Rebekah.
Abraham sends his servant out to look for a wife for Isaac. He causes his servant to swear not to bring an idolatrous Canaanite woman back from his wife-hunting trip. The servant arrives at a city:
"And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water. And he said, O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham. Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water: And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master."
This was no small thing. A herd of camels just finishing a trip would require hundreds of gallons of water. I am told a flight of stairs had to be traversed in order to reach water in this particular well. This would be like asking a stranger today to wash your dirty RV after a long road trip. A woman who performed this task would need athletic ability, as well as altruism and humility. Rebekah would have been a mess of mud after watering those animals.
"And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out...with her pitcher upon her shoulder. And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up. And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher. And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink. And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking. And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels" (Gen. 24:11-20).
While the account says nothing of her clothes during her initial encounter with Abraham's servant, it does say something later on. The servant brings Rebekah home to Isaac, she sees him in the distance, and "therefore she took a veil, and covered herself" (Gen. 24:65). At her home the servant told her of Abraham's wealth, and that Isaac was to inherit it, and puts expensive jewelry on her as tokens thereof. But she was already part of a wealthy household (big enough to corral a caravan of camels and provide food and lodging for the travelers). Far from ambitions of power, wealth, prestige, and ease, her actions identify her as willing to serve others. Can you imagine the shrewd daughter of Jared volunteering to join a bucket brigade and hauling hundreds of gallons of water to slop camels for a complete stranger? Rebekah's external modesty is matched by her internal virtues.
She also manifests great courage and faith. Instead of hand-picking her future husband, she simply believes that the sign given to the servant by God was correct, and agrees to leave her home forever to marry a man she has never even met.
The ripples of her choices and actions are still expanding today. We are living in their wake.
The scriptures abound in stories of modesty and immodesty, and they trace the outcomes of those choices. They teach correct principles, and we are expected to be wise enough to govern ourselves.
