Any virtue, when not stabilized and informed by others, can become a vice, or go far afield of its original purpose. This is also true for the virtue of kindness, even with its good intentions.
Consider Jesus responding to Peter’s attempt to be kind:
“From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day.
“Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee.
“But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men” (Matt. 16:21-23).
This is one of the harshest reproofs Jesus ever gave anyone. And Peter’s motive seems to be kindness—and love for Jesus. Why did Jesus call Peter “Satan?”
Peter’s kindness was misdirected—massively so. He was unwittingly asking Jesus to avoid performing His atoning sacrifice—the very purpose for which Jesus was born. If Peter’s wish had been fulfilled, then there would be no way to for humanity to repent, be resurrected, and return to our Father in heaven—not for anyone. His short-term version of kindness was long-term mass cruelty for everyone. So Jesus rebuked Peter harshly.
After Jesus Christ was resurrected, He taught why He suffered and died. Peter forsook his original short-term kindness. The Atonement was completed, and Peter learned why.
Enoch understood the importance of Jesus’ sacrifice, suffering, death, and resurrection, because God showed him the future in vision. He asks anxiously:
“When shall the day of the Lord come? When shall the blood of the Righteous be shed, that all they that mourn may be sanctified and have eternal life?” (Moses 7:45). He knew the importance of all that suffering Jesus Christ would go through, and so he anticipated it. Peter actually tried to stop it with a sword.
Which kindness is really kindness? Enoch’s, because his kindness encompassed a larger, more accurate picture of the world; it was informed by revelation.
Nehor-esque Niceness
What misapplications of kindness can be found in the world today? The Book of Mormon features a slew of anti-Christs, false teachers who promote false ideas that are convenient in the short-term. All of their appealing philosophies, and their variants, are believed and extolled currently.
Korihor is the flashiest member of this group, but his defeat and public humiliation sank his philosophy—the idea that God does not exist, therefore it is alright to do whatever we want.
But Nehor’s philosophy was far more palatable—the idea that priests should be popular and supported financially by their adherents, and that “all mankind should be saved at the last day, and that they need not fear nor tremble, but that they might lift up their heads and rejoice; for the Lord had created all men, and had also redeemed all men; and, in the end, all men should have eternal life” (Alma 1:4).
This is a trendy way of warping kindness—asserting that God is so kind that He will let everyone into heaven to live with Him, regardless of our behavior.
This sugary philosophy and its charismatic propagator seem friendly on the surface. His message of popularity and the kindness of God overriding the need for repentance had mass-appeal. But the Book of Mormon shows how those two messages—first, just be nice, and second, it does not matter what you do—eventually contradict each other.
Nehor ends up murdering a national hero, Gideon, when Gideon points out publicly that Nehor is teaching false doctrine. So much for being nice.
Today, in North America, the laws of God and the mores of the time have diverged significantly. Looming over the topography of the current zeitgeist is the idea that it is somehow immoral to offend anyone or hurt feelings by saying something they do not like—even if it is truth.
Yes, kindness IS a virtue, and cruelty often masquerades as honesty. But at some point, the attempt to be kind by withholding truth becomes a form of cruelty.
Alma informs his wayward son, Corianton:
“…wickedness never was happiness.
“And now, my son, all men that are in a state of nature, or I would say, in a carnal state, are in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity; they are without God in the world, and they have gone contrary to the nature of God; therefore, they are in a state contrary to the nature of happiness” (Alma 41:10-11).
Missionaries like Alma are sent forth to help people understand how to access God’s Spirit to a greater extent, and thereby experience true peace, love, and joy in this life.
What about those embroiled in sin that also seem to be having a good time? “But if it be not built upon my gospel, and is built upon the works of men, or upon the works of the devil, verily I say unto you they have joy in their works for a season, and by and by the end cometh, and they are hewn down and cast into the fire, from whence there is no return” (3Ne. 27:11). Jesus is speaking here about false churches, but it applies well to those who seek joy in sin.
The purpose of identifying sin as sin, and demonstrating what God’s commandments actually are, is not to shame anyone, but rather to delineate the path away from misery, and towards happiness.
Nehor’s universalism misconstrues God’s love, which includes honesty and correction when necessary.
Yes, God is the Judge who dispenses justice, but typically, in this life, we whip ourselves. God and those who follow Him are tasked with putting up warning signs about the inevitable consequences of bad actions: Turn back; there is a cliff in that direction; NOT SAFE. Joy is up the high path of repentance and covenant-keeping.
Stabilizing Virtues
There is a degree of lazy convenience to the kindness coupled with permissiveness promoted by so many in the world today. It is much harder to warn others that their lifestyle choices are ultimately destructive. Sacrificing popularity to warn others requires greater love for them than offering tacit approval for unwise behavior.
What virtues can direct kindness so that it actually IS kindness, instead of mere personal convenience?
It is good to be kind, as a general rule. However, attempts to be kind, even the most well-intended, can backfire. An anecdote comes to mind: Farmers noticed deer struggling during a particularly harsh winter. The well-meaning farmers put out food for the deer. All the deer starved to death with full bellies; they could not digest the type of fodder the farmers provided.
Knowledge of all possible consequences is a lofty expectation. Who is omniscient? Who can see how all possible scenarios will play out?
God does. If we get, keep, and follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit, we can be warned in advance not to do certain things, even things that seem to us like kindness.
Correction can also backfire; someone wrapped in sin might not be ready to hear a message of repentance. The Lord can warn us and direct us about what to say or do to best help others repent.
God’s knowledge can inform our attempts and desires to be kind.
“By kindness, and pure knowledge…
“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost…” (D&C 121:42-43).
The fake kindness of carte blanche acceptance of all behavior lacks the virtues of patience, long-suffering, and love unfeigned. It lacks the courage to correct; it lacks the wisdom to see the need for correction or a better path to happiness. It lacks that mature form of love Jesus embodies:
“I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.
“But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep” (John 10:11-12).
Because modern philosophies of kindness are about convenient permissiveness rather than commitment and discipline, we can expect its adherents to flee whenever those they profess to love need an uncomfortable amount of time or service or effort. Kindness is, in the end, too expensive for a selfishly-oriented person to apply continuously.
Costly Kindness
What does it look like when people adhere to kindness above anything else? The price is high:
“Now when the people saw that they were coming against them they went out to meet them, and prostrated themselves before them to the earth, and began to call on the name of the Lord; and thus they were in this attitude when the Lamanites began to fall upon them, and began to slay them with the sword.
“And thus without meeting any resistance, they did slay a thousand and five of them…” (Alma 24:21-22).
“Love your enemies,” Jesus taught. This has been observed so rarely that it is not even commonly associated with Christian practice and worship. Yet it is kindness towards others prioritized beyond all convenience for self. It demonstrates how God’s expectations can diverge from our need for reassurance and carnal security exhibited when we are not sufficiently reborn.
What, Then?
Jesus displayed kindness that included a willingness to offer correction when it was needed. He inconvenienced Himself to show kindness. Rather than tell His hearers to roll over, hit the snooze button, and go back to sleep, He encouraged everyone He met to take the next step toward God, whatever it was for that individual or group.
His highest priority was making God happy, serving Him, and serving people secondly.
“…My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work” (John 4:34).
“…I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me” (John 5:30).
“For I came…not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me” (John 6:38).
There is no better guiding star, no better magnetic field for the compass needle of our hearts to calibrate with than God’s will. It points in a truer direction than all other available guides or impulses. God knows everything, and loves us perfectly; any information or instruction we get from Him will, therefore, be the kindest of all, however difficult or odd it seems to us.
How can we learn God’s will for us?
His Holy Spirit can warn and direct us.
His living prophets and Apostles give general rules. Every six months, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints hosts General Conference, and invites everyone to hear inspired messages. These prepare us to face trials and temptations and other snares and difficulties in the months ahead. They help us tune our violins of testimony with the piano of God’s law, as delivered through His chosen servants.
The scriptures are another valuable source. They help us learn general principles with specific application in our lives. What we study in the morning often has application, or helps us, that very day.
God can, and does, use a myriad of other ways to communicate with us, but why look for some strange or new thing when the obvious tools are already before us?
In any case, learning God’s voice, and heeding it, will lead to the best results for ourselves and those we want to help. That is better kindness than permissiveness, or good intentions that backfire. We need not be commanded in all things, but the Lord can direct our efforts, if we listen to His Spirit, to maximize the results and avoid accidentally harming instead of helping.
“Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy” (D&C 11:13). We receive joy from God, and can help others feel that same joy; that is true kindness.
The purpose of the Gospel and the Church is not to facilitate our attempts to build a private kingdom here on this earth, stocked with power, wealth, popularity, or the pleasures of the flesh. Instead, they help us understand how to undock our hearts from these unreliable sources of joy, and then find peace, love, and joy from Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit.
This paradigm may seem flipped, but those who have stood on both worlds, relied on both sources for joy, can testify that God has the near-monopoly of those intangible assets we seek. In the end, He is the source of kindness. He is the only sure foundation, because all else crumbles, sooner or later, as we try to build our dreams upon it.
Faith in Christ, repentance of sin, covenanting through baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost through the laying on of hands, and pursuing its promptings; these things will generate more joy than all other temporal sources. Sharing these things is ultimate kindness.
