It is easy to feel bereft of the Lord’s love. Faith that God feels warmly and well towards us “somewhere out there” is not the same thing as getting some kind of palpable, tangible, personalized expression of His love. Often, such expressions come in ways and at times when we least expect them.
Brad Wilcox wrote about a time when he felt discouraged about his life. He had a pervasive sense that his efforts would fail, that he would be barred from heaven. He describes what happened one night during this struggle:
“…I knelt to pray…I just offered the standard thank-thee-and-please-bless late-night prayer. But when I laid my head on the pillow there came into my mind and heart an answer to my prayer of many months. I felt God communicating with me in unspoken words: ‘I love you. Not only because I do, but because I am bound to…’
“God is bound to love me…not because I am good, but because He is good” (The Continuous Atonement, 2009, p. 132). This assurance came while he was simply going about his routine. He did his menial duty, and the Lord sent revelation to comfort him.
I remember having a similar experience. At one point as a missionary, I was alone in my MTC dorm room, organizing my stuff. An unexpected, yet poignant impression came to me from Father in heaven: “I love you.” It came forcibly to my mind. It warmed my heart. I was not doing anything special, just going about my mundane tasks of the day.
One reason it can be hard to believe God loves us may be our flaws and sins, and our unrighteous desires. The Savior loves us anyway. It is part of what qualifies Him to be our Savior. He feels that love for us, no matter how bad we are.
Another reason it can be hard to believe God loves us is the sadness and loneliness we often feel. If an all-powerful Being feels such love for us, why does He not swoop down and console us, like a rich uncle arriving with a bag full of toys and money? While God always feels great love for us, there are some limits on the expression of His love.
“There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—
“And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated” (D&C 130:20-21). Some of God’s expressions of His love come without any work. Others are given only after we follow His rules upon which those blessings are predicated.
The Iron Rod
In Lehi’s dream-vision, he sees “a man in a white robe; and he came and stood before me” (1Ne8:5). We can assume this is Jesus Christ, since
“…he spake unto me, and bade me follow him.
“And it came to pass that as I followed him I beheld myself that I was in a dark and dreary waste” (1Ne. 8:6-7). He followed Jesus, and found himself in the dark.
“And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies” (v. 8). He needed more than an abstract idea of God’s love; He needed to experience a tangible expression of that love.
Then he says, “…I beheld a tree, whose fruit was desirable…
“And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted” (v. 10). As a prophet, Lehi followed the Savior and begged in prayer in order to get to that tree, which Nephi interpreted as the love of God, and which was “most joyous to the soul” (1Ne. 11:21-23). He then guided his family to the tree; for them, getting the fruit depended on following him.
Then he saw “numberless concourses,” huge crowds of people trying to get to the tree and eat the fruit. A mist of darkness turned the path into an obstacle course, and many were lost. But there was a rod of iron, which Nephi said represents the word of God (1Ne. 11:25).
In order to arrive safely at the tree and taste the fruit, Lehi, the prophet, had to follow Christ; his family had to listen to his words; the multitude had to “hold fast” to the iron rod, the word of God. In other words, we can believe that God loves us without obedience or following instructions—some things are given as free gifts to all. But in order to experience, to “taste” greater manifestations of His love, we need to learn and obey some of His rules.
We experience His love when we obey His commandments. It is for our benefit, not His, that He gives us commandments. He gives us rules so that we know how to receive His blessings. “Or, in other words, I give unto you directions how you may act before me, that it may turn to you for your salvation” (D&C 82:9). Our willing attempts at obedience may or may not accomplish much, but they do one important thing: they let God’s love shine into our lives and hearts.
Reciprocating His Love
“Conditional love” may sound cold to us, seem to dampen our notions of His feelings. Making some blessings conditional is not callous or unfair; it is reciprocal and symmetrical.
“We love him, because he first loved us,” says John (1Jn. 4:19). God is the initiator, like the serving player in tennis. He blesses us with our lives and a beautiful physical world to live in, with talents, gifts, and time. We get the light of Christ to follow, and the Bible and other guidance. We get this initial show of His love, and learn commandments that show how we can reciprocate it.
“…whoso keepeth his word (the iron rod is the word of God), in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him” (1Jn. 2:5). If we respond positively to what God asks of us, we are showing our love for Him. “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). This is not one-sided. Jesus promised His disciples (earnest followers): “And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do…”
“If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it” (John 14:13-14). Lehi started out by following Christ, a sign of love, and so his prayer for “tender mercies” was answered affirmatively.
He was returning God’s love, and God responded with more love. (Lehi also tried, with missionary zeal, to get others to experience the same joy.) As with tennis, our relationship with Father in heaven has a reciprocal cycle of obeying, being blessed, getting new commandments, obeying, being blessed, getting new commandments, etc. Those who are faithful get more: “…they shall also be crowned with blessings from above, yea, and with commandments not a few…” (D&C 59:4). More chances to exchange love.
Grace
What about times when we fail to obey the commandments? Jesus has us covered.
By definition, sinning is letting go of that iron rod, losing our way to the fruit, the love of God. D&C 20:77 says that we “may always have his Spirit,” even if we are no more than “willing” to “keep his commandments which he has given” us. Our sincere striving to keep the commandments is rewarded, even when we come up short in our performance.
The sacrament covenants seem to be Jesus putting His hand on the barbed wire barricade to lower it just enough for us to get our legs over. Sin keeps us from deserving to feel His love, but we can have His Spirit just for wanting to obey, just for being willing to repent and try again when we fall.
Not only does God forgive our disobedience, He also empowers us to obey His commandments. It is as though the person serving the tennis ball to us is standing behind us at the same time, holding our hands and steadying the racquet, helping us return His serve. Grace is not just a pardon; it is enabling power to perform well enough, better than we could alone. He “prepare[s] a way” to keep His commandments (see 1Ne. 3:7).
Abraham
Tales of intense romantic love are filled with extremes. God’s love also has extreme dimensions to it, so we should not be surprised at some of the things He asks us to do, or does for us (or to us). Think of the depraved people wandering around on this planet, people who are odious to others and self. Jesus loves them anyway. He loves all the people that get on our nerves, or even hurt us severely.
“…their souls are precious…” (Alma 31:35). “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God…” (D&C 18:10). Jesus suffered unimaginable horrors because of His love for us. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). He does not love us because we are good; He loves us continually because He is good. (He considers our kindness towards anyone a show of love towards Him; see Matt: 25:31-46.)
Abraham was amazing, by mortal standards, at returning the Lord’s love. He served everyone around him; his love for God was even more extreme. The Lord told him to say that his wife, Sarah, was his sister when he went to Egypt. In other words, he was told imply to the Egyptians that she was available. That must have rankled, but he did it anyway. That obedience resulted in Abraham having great riches poured into his lap. He left Egypt a wealthy man. (It is the cycle—obey, receive the blessing, new commandments, etc.)
In one extreme instance, so extreme that it almost lacks comparison, God commanded Abraham to offer his beloved son, Isaac, and Abraham was willing to do it. As he prepared to offer Isaac, the Lord sent an angel who told Abraham to drop the sacrificial knife:
“…Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him; for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou has not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.
“…I have sworn, saith the Lord, for because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son:
“That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;
“And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou has obeyed my voice” (Gen. 22:12, 16-18). Abraham received these intense, infinite promises through obedience. Abraham loved God more than anything; he proved it by demonstrating his willingness to surrender his most precious possession, Isaac, just because the Lord asked him to.
In some traditions, Abraham is called “the Friend of God,” or even “beloved” of God. This does not mean he enjoyed favoritism; instead, he showed great favoritism toward God, and so God was able to show greater love to him than others who did not love God as much.
“There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—
“And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated” (D&C 130:20-21).
“Abraham received all things…
“Abraham received promises concerning his seed…from whose loins ye are…
“This promise is yours also, because ye are of Abraham, and the promise was made unto Abraham…
“Go ye, therefore, and do the works of Abraham; enter ye into my law…” (D&C 132:29-32).
We cringe when we hear the word “law” in association with the Gospel. It seems to loom over us like a merciless lion ready to eat us, or a list of boring chores, or reminders of our flaws. Jesus intercedes to absorb the impact of justice demanded by the law, and makes it possible for us to benefit from our attempts, even failed ones, at obedience. The same law that curses us is turned to bless us by the Atonement. When we rely on Him, it makes the law our friend again.
“I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise” (D&C 82:10).
Unexpected Expressions
We read of “love languages,” ways in which we prefer to have others demonstrate their love for us. It is sad when we prefer other things to God’s intended blessings. The allure of the great and spacious building can distract from the fruit of the Tree of Life. I overheard a girl talking about an experience in Sunday school. The teacher asked which spiritual gifts the class members would like to have one day, but her internal response was, more or less, “I don’t want any of that stuff—I want to excel in my career.”
A two year old thinks his best interest includes lots of sugar, plenty of cartoons, no curfew, no work, all play, all rules and regulations and self restraint abandoned—voila, that is happiness. But Mom knows that vegetables, chores, cleaning up messes, learning ABCs, making beds, and all the rest of her expectations will yield greater long-term joy than what the two year old craves. She sees him as a future adult, and her efforts are built around the happiness of the man he will be, not the child he is now.
What we see as our needs and problems diverges significantly from what the Lord sees as our needs and problems. God is outfitting us for the eternities; we are often consumed with other temporal worldly things. We want to be content in our own way; He wants us to “enter…into” His “joy” (Matt. 25:23), which is greater that the stupor of carnal security we want, and which requires more effort on our part now.
He will express His love by giving us what He sees that we need, not necessarily what we assume we need (though He often meets those wants, too). Getting what we need most, when we would prefer something else, is another reason we might doubt God’s love for us.
Walking toward the tree in Lehi’s dream was symbolic of obeying the word of God, and we can do that just about anywhere. There are no geographical limitations.
“Come…everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters; and he that hath no money, come buy and eat; yea, come buy wine and milk without money and without price.
“…and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness” (2Ne. 9:50-51).
We usually imagine that more stuff, or praise, etc., will make us happy.
“Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten you mind; which shall fill your soul with joy.
“And then shall you know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness…” (D&C 11:13-14).
Sometimes changing our external environment will make us happy. God can change our environment, but most commandments are meant to change us internally, to fill us with His Spirit, and that gives us greater joy, despite our surroundings. We know from experience that the Spirit comes when we are humbly doing our best, being obedient. He can, and does, give temporal blessings too, but the joy of the Spirit is a portable gift, one we can carry in the eternities.
If we feel dark, or suspect God does not love us, we can kneel in prayer, and sincerely ask what commandment we may obey next in order to feel our Savior’s love more fully. God always answers such prayers “according to the multitude of his tender mercies” (1Ne. 8:8).
