Hatred and enmity are commonplace in the world today. Many people, especially in politics, are comfortable defining their success in terms of someone else's failure. They are less worried about where the bus is going than they are about who is driving it. I think of arriving at a good destination as a success; others see ousting the driver as a victory.
What constitutes success as far as pornography is concerned? Behaviorally, that is an easy question to answer, but mentally and emotionally, the answer may surprise most people. I was listening to a man speaking about helping others overcome pornography addiction, and he mentioned that APATHY, not violent revulsion, is the ideal response for an addict who is exposed to pornography. Adrenaline, whether from rage, excitement, or fear, is part of the addictive cycle. It elicits the release of dopamine in the brain—the neurotransmitter involved in ALL addictions. It is the chemical signal in the brain that lets it know, "This is important." Drugs cause massive releases of dopamine in the brain, and so they are artificially elevated beyond normal importance to survival-importance status in the brain, alongside breathing, drinking water, and getting out of the way of danger. The same thing happens with pornography in the addict's brain; it gets falsely labeled as "extremely important."
Rather than categorizing reactions into bad excitement and good violence, the speaker at the seminar pointed out that the optimum reaction was one of apathy, because apathy does not respond, and apathy forgets.
3Ne. 12:27-30: "Behold, it is written by them of old time, that thou shalt not commit adultery; But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman, to lust after her, hath committed adultery already in his heart. Behold, I give unto you a commandment, that ye suffer none of these things to enter into your heart; For it is better that ye should deny yourselves of these things, wherein ye will take up your cross, than that ye should be cast into hell" (emphasis added). It is inevitable that "these things" are going to get into our minds; what is not inevitable is that they will get into our hearts, our desires, our motivations. And that is where the Lord draws the line with this commandment. He sees everything, and yet His heart is pure. He asks that our reactions to what we see and hear also be pure.
It is not natural for a man to react with apathy to pornography. "The natural man is an enemy to God..." (Mosiah 3:19). A mighty change of heart, a change of nature, empowers us to comply with the commandment to "suffer (allow) none of these things to enter into your heart." As the rest of verse 19 says: "[yield] to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and [put] off the natural man and [become] a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and [become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [you], even as a child doth submit to his father." We often neglect the "through the atonement" part of this verse. It is not something accomplished through personal exertion; Jesus is the one who changes our hearts. We exercise faith in Christ, repent of everything we can, stay humble, beg for deliverance, and do everything possible to keep and follow the influence of the Spirit in our lives.
Jesus Christ can restore purity of heart, and reorder desires so that exposure to pornography does not necessarily mean carrying it around in your heart for the remainder of the day.
Two Monks
I remember a story about two Buddhist monks walking down a street after a rainstorm. As they walked, they saw a beautiful woman in elegant clothes looking for a way around an enormous puddle. One of the monks walked through the puddle, picked her up, and set her down on the other side. She thanked him, and went her way. As the monks walked down the road, the other monk became concerned that his friend had violated their oath of celibacy. He remained silent for a mile or so, then burst forth in chastisement of his friend. His friend responded, "I set that woman down by the side of that puddle. Why are you still carrying her in your heart?"
What About Poison In the Blood?
It is easy to believe that the solution to the problem of pornography addiction is to purge the world of immoral images. This is like saying that the cure for a snakebite is to kill the snake. Once the poison is in the blood, whether the serpent lives or dies is irrelevant to the survival of the one who has been bitten. Yet most attempts to quell the pornography tidal wave strike at that superficial level. To be certain, these efforts are laudable precautions, and the river of filth needs plenty of banks and boundaries to keep it separate from the young and innocent. But sooner or later, everyone is exposed, and the difference between becoming addicted and being able to walk away will not be an internet filter or anti-smut legislation—it will be the filter in the heart of the person exposed to it. That filter is constructed by the Lord in the heart of those who meet the qualifications of spiritual rebirth. The Book of Mormon will get us "nearer to God" "than any other book" (Joseph Smith, Introduction to the Book of Mormon) when we abide by its principles because it teaches with incomparable clarity the steps we must take in order to experience this change of heart.
As you read the Book of Mormon, note the places where some kind of inner change is mentioned (e.g. 1Ne. 2:16). Nearby, you will find some reference to faith and humility (e.g. 1Ne. 2:19). This pattern continues throughout the book. You get to read events from the lives of those who are in need of this change, and you get only the essential events leading to the changes they experience. There is no chaff, no unnecessary narrative, just straight doctrine and direction for those who are wise enough to distill instructions from the patterns they see in the accounts.
What constitutes success in the battle with pornography? Apathy, calm—no spike in pulse, no obsessing, no self-righteous indignation. Just leaving it at the side of the road, both in reality, and in the heart, and forgetting about it.
