“Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin” (D&C 64:9). This requires some explaining.
“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (v. 10). Is the Lord holding Himself to a lower standard than He holds us?
A Brief Sketch
Anger is the desire to revoke another’s agency (even inanimate objects, frustrating as they can be, have some agency; see D&C 93:30). Replacing freedom to choose with compulsion was Satan’s substitute for God’s plan.
Anger is usually about petty things, childish grievances. Despite its posturing and bravado, anger is often spawned by fear. Why hate an entire race or group of people? Fear.
Anger is typically the child of vices such as impatience, selfishness, and a lack of empathy, and an immature certainty that one is infallible, absolutely right all the time. Therefore anger is in a hurry, unconcerned with and unaware of others, their feelings and needs, and overconfident. This is the exact opposite of the suite of God’s virtues described in scripture—patience, longsuffering, compassion, mercy, kindness, love, “touched with the feeling of our infirmities” (Heb. 4:15) because He suffered them all with us.
Phrases we direct at others, such as “should,” “must,” “ought to,” “have to,” “got to,” “need to,” etc., reflect the attempt at compulsion central to anger. They are basically different ways of making an immature “I wish” sound compelling to whomever we want to compel.
Directing such phrases at ourselves begets frustration. The things we cannot stand about ourselves are the things we hate most in others; no wonder Jesus was so forgiving! He had no flaws to project onto others. Pride and jealousy and comparison create the most irrational forms of anger, bent on tearing down greatness when it is not our own. (How dare they be better than me! As though another’s joy robs us of something.)
Exceptions?
Is there such a thing as “righteous wrath?” It is possible, but it is also very rare, even close to non-existent among mortals. Captain Moroni is one example of a righteous man who becomes angry, but this is in a circumstance when bloodshed was an appropriate response to another person’s choices. How often is it OK to kill? This is an extremely rare circumstance.
The Lord is eager to forgive us. One of His jobs is to dispense justice; therefore He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to atone for sin so that we could repent and receive the forgiveness He wants to give us. God keeps all laws; the Atonement was an extreme measure on our behalf—a tether that keeps our disobedience from severing us from His presence permanently.
Does God have anger? The scriptures are meant to help reacquaint us with our Father in heaven. There is an interesting phrase the Lord uses to describe Himself: “And the anger of the Lord is kindled…” (D&C 1:13). To “kindle” means to begin a fire, the small flame from which the full blaze starts. (When Jesus drove the money changers out of the Temple, He took the time to braid His whip; this was not flying off the handle, but deliberate, controlled action.)
The Lord is our advocate (defense attorney), our Savior, and our Judge. Execution is only one of His roles, but it is one of His roles.
“Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore—how sore you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not” (D&C 19:15). This is not a professional wrestler taunting an opponent. The Lord is not reveling in the opportunity to harm a foe—He is desperate here to get us to repent and avoid the necessity of administering justice. His main motivator is love, not anger.
This is probably the main reason He commands us to repent, while reserving judgment to Himself; we tend to lead with anger when it is present in us. “…of you it is required to forgive all men.”
Agency is also sacrosanct in Father’s plan; He works around our agency, whereas the mortal version of anger centers on overcoming others’ agency.
God has many enemies, but how rarely He reciprocates their anger. He is always looking for an excuse NOT to inflict justice; how can we use His roles as judge and dispenser of justice to justify our petty grudges and accusations? His precision is surgical, and even discipline is intended for our welfare; the main purpose of human anger is to gratify the one who is angry, not to benefit the target.
If we feel delighted to inflict vengeance upon anyone, even in our imaginations (where most anger plays out), we are out of tune with the Spirit.
I have heard some people using the Lord’s anger as justification for their own outbursts. Not only are we commanded to forgive universally, without exception, but we are also instructed about what happens to us when we take the role of executioner, and attempt to override others’ agency.
“…when we undertake to…exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn…
“…he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God.
“We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority…they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion” (D&C 121:37-39). When we follow Satan’s example of self-righteous imposition, we end up moving in the same direction He did, and until we repent and forgive and let go, we drift towards the edge of the same cliff he fell off of.
We are forbidden from looking for excuses to justify anger. Charity respects agency, and when we disrespect others’ right to choose their own path, we begin to lose the Spirit, and hence charity, which is a gift of the Spirit.
Anger flows naturally from wanting to force and coerce and boss others around.
The Greater Sin
Why is it a worse sin to withhold forgiveness from the offender than the original offence itself?
Jesus explained with a parable. A servant owed ten thousand talents (millions of dollars worth of gold in modern money). The master to whom he owed this debt ordered that he and his family be sold into slavery (which would barely dent the debt, but what else could the master do to even up the balance?) The servant begged for mercy; the master gave it, set the man free.
Then the man who owed the ten thousand talents “took” a fellow servant who owed him a hundred pence (significantly less than the fortune his creditor forgave him) “by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest” (Matt. 18:28). He has his coworker thrown in prison instead of showing mercy.
The master finds out what the forgiven servant did to his coworker, and says, “O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
“Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?”
Jesus concludes, “So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses” (Matt. 18:32-33, 35).
Notice that when we forgive others, it does not erase their offences; it means we change our internal attitude and external behavior towards that person. Justice is the Lord’s job; our job is to forgive and repent.
Jesus Christ suffered our share of justice vicariously so that, if we repent, we can be forgiven. “…how hard to bear you know not…” He paid our “ten thousand talents.” Others can inflict great harm on us, incur huge debts and offend us greatly. But any harm others inflict on us, however great, is paltry compared to what Jesus suffered for us. We incurred a huge debt, He paid it for us, and asks us to repent so that He can forgive and forget about our offenses against Him. If we refuse to adopt this same attitude towards those who have hurt us, we impede the Lord’s ability to offer us grace and forgiveness.
“…mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own…” (D&C 88:40).
“And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matt. 6:12).
Angry at God
There is a temptation to view our Father in heaven as a spoilsport, ruining the fun with inconvenient commandments. But there is another, more accurate way to look at His commandments.
Imagine a guide, a man sitting at a crossroads. Travelers approach the man, and He tells them what lies at the end of each path.
“Right will lead to safety and peace. Left leads to certain death.”
What fool would say the guide is compelling people to go right? He is warning them of inevitable danger, and telling them the best way to go.
More often than we think, what looks like justice is just the natural fallout of poor choices. The commandments are the guideposts that teach us how to live “after the manner of happiness” (2Ne. 5:27). Yes, the Lord does give out punishments, but He works consistently to prevent that.
Application
As with so many things, the commandment to forgive others presupposes divine help.
Our hearts are the main place where we need to forgive. We think of the world as the thing we are meant to conquer, the zone in which agency is applied. But too often, our very best plans and efforts beget havoc. Our intentions and outcomes are often far-removed from each other.
The world inside our minds and hearts is our own designated little kingdom where we preside, by divine decree. Joseph Smith noted that “God would not exert any compulsory means, and the devil could not…” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 187).
If there is one place where you reign supreme, it is inside yourself. (Yet this is often the last place we want to pull weeds and tidy things up generally—the knee-jerk response is to look at others’ flaws.)
How can we get divine help to change from anger to forgiveness and peace?
The power of the Atonement changes our hearts to be more like the Savior’s. This power is delivered to us by the power of the Holy Ghost. We receive the Spirit in proportion to our humility and faith in Christ. The more humility and faith we have, the more we can be changed through the Atonement, and that includes having anger removed from our hearts.
Revenge is such an easy thing to desire because it feels just. It is obvious when others deserve to feel pain because of what they are doing. But the commandment is to “forgive all men.” This often takes more power than we have on our own. It takes a massive infusion of grace, sometimes. This is precisely what the Savior can do.
The Lord prepares a way that we may accomplish the things He commands us (see 1Ne. 3:7). So the command to forgive all men everywhere is not impossible to keep. Asking our Father in heaven in prayer for the power to forgive another is often the first and last line of defense against grudges and anger. Do not waste time feeling guilty about being unable to forgive others. This is like feeling guilty about not being able to heft a boulder. Focus instead on figuring out what adjustments in attitude and behavior it takes to get this blessing, the ability to forgive.
“Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” (Romans 12:19).
We need not worry that forgiving others will rob justice. Leave them in God’s hands; He knows what to do, and will not lose control the way we often do when taking justice into our own hands.
To be forgiven is a form of grace; the power to forgive others in our hearts also comes from grace.
We might be better than others, but not that much. The difference between the best mortals and the worst mortals is smaller than the difference between the best mortals and God.
“And let every man esteem his brother as himself, and practise virtue and holiness before me.
“And again I say unto you, let every man esteem his brother as himself” (D&C 38:24-25).
“God does not look on sin with allowance, but when men have sinned, there must be allowance made for them…”
“…The nearer we get to our heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to look with compassion on perishing souls; we feel that we want to take them upon our shoulders, and cast their sins behind our backs” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 240-241).
“If you do not accuse each other, God will not accuse you. If you have no accuser you will enter heaven…If you will not accuse me, I will not accuse you. If you will throw a cloak of charity over my sins, I will over yours—for charity covereth a multitude of sins. What many people call sin is not sin; I do many things to break down superstition, and I will break it down” (TPJS, p. 193).
Forgiveness is the process of letting go of each others’ hair as individuals so that we can get into heaven together, as a group. I know it is possible, with the Lord’s help, to forgive those who have hurt or offended us (and forgive ourselves).
